Last week we learned how personal conversation can get us into trouble. We have all heard of the old saying “Before you speak, make sure your tongue is connected to your brain”. We have learned that our tongue although can be used for great things such as compliments and pleasant conversations can also be used as a tool against people. It can be used to criticize, use our Lord’s name in vain, to tell a lie, or gossip just to name a few.
For this week’s message we will start with Ephesians 4:29, which leads us to strongly believe that if communication was present or better there may be few divorces. Although part two is entitled “Marital Conversations” we can all stand to learn from this message.
To have a healthy marriage you must also have successful conversation with each other not just one person talking and the other listening. In connection with verbal communication, you have body language, eye contact, facial expressions and tone make up 60 – 90% of communication.
Let us look for a moment where communication started. Communication all started back in the book of Genesis when God created the heavens and earth and he completed this by saying “Let there be light”. Matter of fact God speaks to us each day through nature.
David the Psalmist tells us in Psalm 19:1-4, “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world.
He also speaks to us through his Son, who came to the earth not only to die for our sins but also to give us the Father’s words. In fact, John the Baptist called Jesus “the Word” (John 1:1); he was the very communication of God. Jesus said this about his teaching: “My teaching is not my own. It comes from him who sent me” (John 7:16). And, ultimately God speaks to us through the Scriptures by the Holy Spirit (2 Tim 3:16-17).
Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
Ever hear the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” Trust me that saying is farthest from the truth. Yes, a stone might hurt, even bruised or caused some serious medical condition but words cuts deep that will take longer to heal and some never heal at all.
The power of communication is especially important in the context of marriage. By our words, we can develop a beautiful and prosperous marriage that glorifies God. And, by our words, we can destroy the very gift and mission God has given us in marriage.
What was that?
Peter says in 1 Peter 3:7: “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”
Both the husband and wife need to learn each other’s person. Each person is unique and what bothers one may not bother the other and when one person uses a certain body language could be misconstrued by another.
They learn this by as Peter states spending time together. The problem with this seems to be after marriage that times slowly fades away and if not careful could lead to divorce. Date nights, daily times of intimate conversation or periodic couple retreats will help prevent this.
He is a Boy … She is a Girl
Ok, so you think you know your spouse and their twerps and body language. First, think again because that is a continuous learning cycle. However, now that you have started to get to know your mate you need to start to honor and accept gender difference.
A common source of miscommunication in marriage is the simple fact that men and women are different. Not only does the opposite sex have many physical and emotional differences. A great amount of fighting in marriage comes from not understanding and accepting these differences.
Many women grow up with a female best friend who they share all their feelings with, and in return, the best friend primarily gives affirmation. Men are typically more goal-oriented communicators.
Related to honoring our spouse, God makes it very clear that we should never dishonor him or her through our words.
Paul says this in Ephesians 4:29-30:
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
What You Say?
Ever been accused of not listening or as I have been accused of selective hearing. Now I have played the card, “Honey you must have been talking to me from the wrong side as
Well maybe its time you started listening to each other: Below are some tips to assist you with this:
- Practice listening to what your spouse is saying.
- Practice listening to what your spouse is not saying.
- Practice listening to the Holy Spirit.
- Practice speaking less.
It has often been said that God gave us two ears and one mouth so that we would listen twice as much as we talk. This is a wise principle in communication. We must practice listening.
No Matter What It’s All About God
Jesus said in John 15:5: “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” Enough Said.
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